On Christmas Day this year, the Washington Post had an article titled: Empathy: Could It Be What You're Missing? Empathy means you understand how another person is feeling even if that feeling is different than what you would feel in the same circumstances. (Like wearing a pregnancy suit if you are male.) Others call it "compassionate connection". Having empathy means you can deal more effectively with a different viewpoint because you are more apt to care and respect the other person. Listening is key to developing empathy.

In intimate relationships, a lack of empathy means you do not feel what another person is feeling. Jokingly called empathy deficit disorder or EDD the article gives several examples. In individual counseling, you may want to learn empathy but in a way that does not require you to give up your viewpoint. This is possible and good news for most people.

Have A Heart gives a tip for building empathy for your partner to try. You can teach yourself or learn to refocus your thoughts, feelings and behavior to show acceptance and build respect in your relationship. This is often what happens in marriage counseling if there hasn't been too much negative. (Then other techniques are available for a professional therapist to use.)

In the adventure movie National Treasure: Book of Secrets the heroes can get into the White House, break in and steal documents and the  spend personal time with the President. But even at the end, they cannot find communication and conflict resolution skills to understand each other well---empathy. Regardless of this movie or what our culture stresses there is hope. Believe it, empathy can be learned.

Barbara Massey LMFT

ParkPlace Counseling Center

541-245-9610 ext. 3

Medford Oregon