Have you had had the experience of being somewhere and suddenly hearing a song from your past that changes your mood and brightens your day? In my informal questions when counseling couples in Southern Oregon, I often find that music is often one of the key ways that one or both of the people in a couple can relax. It is a strength and can really help a relationship or an individual. (I often use ocean sounds.)

My husband writes and performs acoustic finger-style guitar music. We often discuss the intersection of music and counseling (music therapy in some circles). First, music can be used to increase positive feelings throughout the marriage or relationship. Putting “money” in the emotional bank account through building the friendship in the relationship is always a good idea.

“Music is directly attached to the heart and soul. It is a fantastic way to ‘tune into the channel’ of a persons' soul and to experience something together that is so a part of the true person” says Steve.

Second, music in relationships can help with conflict. Music can calm, soothe, and heal. Many individuals use it for stress management. You can also use it to reconnect. After reducing stress physiologically with music then let go of thinking about the stressful couples situation. After that you can again approach your partner. (Keep in mind this process can take about 20 minutes.) If you are an individual and are upset, distract yourself with music while you deep breathe. I teach both these techniques in counseling and people really relax with them.

When people are physiologically calm, problem solving increases. You may be able to work out the current problem and feel calm. Couples I have worked with say, “It doesn’t come back later to bite me later” when they feel less stressed but have a conflict resolved.

Watch for Part II for more tips on using music to relax in a couple or indivdually.

Barbara Massey LMFT

ParkPlace Counseling Center

541.245.9610 extension 3

barbara@barbaramassey.com

bmasseypcc@hotmail.com

www.barbaramassey.com