Forgiveness is complex. It has only been studied in the last ten years of psychology. Depression is more commonly studied and shown to contribute to thinking over and over about issues (obsessing). (Anxiety, post traumatic stress and obsessive compulsive disorder also create obsessing. One book I frequently recommend is Women Who Think Too Much. This book also benefits men.) When we think over and over about a hurt or a wrong done to us, it makes forgiving more difficult.

Past disappointments, injuries (especially unexpected ones) and difficult emotions affect us all. Valuing forgiveness is a wise choice for most people if it is not self-destructive. (The physically abused woman needs safety, not to forgive.) Depressed people  unintentionally exaggerate the pain they feel they have caused others. Depression means you are more likely to be upset about a relationship, feel poorly emotionally and physically.

There are new attitudes you can learn if you are depressed. This increases your forgiveness of others and yourself. Becoming more cooperative, apologizing and maintaining a positive relationship are a few ways. If these are too hard because you are depressed, talk it over with a counselor. You can determine with them where to focus and find freedom from the pain of blame. You can have healing from the depression and forgive, feeling better and more connected to others.

Barbara Massey LMFT

ParkPlace Counseling Center

541.245.9610 extension 3

bmasseypcc@hotmail.com