The month of April is recognized as National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Kicking, pushing, blocking a doorway or throwing items at someone is part of domestic violence and may be part of sexual assault. Domestic abuse is not only physical or sexual; it also includes emotional, economic, or psychological intimidation or manipulation and happens to 1 in 6 American women.

Couples issues often include some type of control, intimidation and/or violence. I work with many people, including men, that have had trauma as part of their lives and wish to acknowledge them and the hard work they do in their healing. (Teal ribbon from http://www.brownielocks.com/backgrounds3.html)

Here are a few ways to get information and to take a part in preventing further assaults:

• The Court Advocates in the Medford Justice Building (541.774.4986) answers questions about restraining orders and all areas of domestic violence. They also have information posted outside the door. I have found them very helpful to people I have referred.
• Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That? tells how to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will. His website has many articles and he has spoken in the Rogue Valley. I have attended his training and highly recommend it.
• Learn to "trust your instincts" for self-protection. Remorse does not mean someone will change.

Peace,

Barbara Massey

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Medford Or

245-9610 ext. 3

bmasseypcc@hotmail.com

Sleep deprivation is growing as 24/7 thinking and the Internet fosters the idea sleeping means we’ll miss something. According to Psychology Today, people are staying up later and sleep disturbances occur at younger ages. Sleep needs vary by age, health and other factors in each individual. And without enough sleep, the emotional centers of the brain are over 60 percent more reactive and over reacting to negative experiences. This  “hyperactive emotional response” occurs in sleep-deprived people. The executive center of the brain that normally keeps emotions under control, the prefrontal lobes, actually starts to shut down. That means couples having a conflict are more likely to over react to one another when they have sleep deprivation.

Besides our brain, our body gets out of rhythm affecting our heart, temperature, metabolism and other processes. We also get sick more often as our immunity goes down. Of course our mood is affected---insomnia is a key factor in depression.

Many people come into counseling with sleep loss. The good news is that medication is Not the only answer. Cognitive behavioral therapy for Insomnia helps with practices that encourage sleep and with relationships issues that cause/contribute to the tossing and turning at night. Anxiety often does not let a person initially fall asleep (initial insomnia) while depression (hopelessness) means you are awakened throughout the night. Relaxation, exercise and other measures are part of curing insomnia.

Sleep is not a luxury that we can optionally choose to take whenever we like. If you haven’t tried to increase your sleep, focus on some new options so that you regain vital rest. Enough sleep is a necessity.

Barbara Masssey LMFT

Parkplace Counseling Center

541-245-9610 ext. 3

Medford Oregon

Forgiveness is complex. It has only been studied in the last ten years of psychology. Depression is more commonly studied and shown to contribute to thinking over and over about issues (obsessing). (Anxiety, post traumatic stress and obsessive compulsive disorder also create obsessing. One book I frequently recommend is Women Who Think Too Much. This book also benefits men.) When we think over and over about a hurt or a wrong done to us, it makes forgiving more difficult.

Past disappointments, injuries (especially unexpected ones) and difficult emotions affect us all. Valuing forgiveness is a wise choice for most people if it is not self-destructive. (The physically abused woman needs safety, not to forgive.) Depressed people  unintentionally exaggerate the pain they feel they have caused others. Depression means you are more likely to be upset about a relationship, feel poorly emotionally and physically.

There are new attitudes you can learn if you are depressed. This increases your forgiveness of others and yourself. Becoming more cooperative, apologizing and maintaining a positive relationship are a few ways. If these are too hard because you are depressed, talk it over with a counselor. You can determine with them where to focus and find freedom from the pain of blame. You can have healing from the depression and forgive, feeling better and more connected to others.

Barbara Massey LMFT

ParkPlace Counseling Center

541.245.9610 extension 3

bmasseypcc@hotmail.com